What Do You Think?
What do I think huh? I’ve sat and talked with nearly everyone I know in the past month and I don’t recall anyone asking me that question. I’ve received sage advice from every person I ever trusted, but not one person asked what I thought. I think... this sucks… this sucks a lot. I don’t know how to live in this situation. I can’t imagine how I’m supposed to move on. Throughout my life time has just ran past me. I always wished days were longer because each night felt like it should be mid-day. In the past month however, each agonizing moment has crawled into the next. I’ve feared this kind of thing for a while now. I’m a Christian and I’ve always been taught “just as smooth seas don’t make a good sailor; a smooth life doesn’t make a good Christian.” I’d had a pretty good life up till now. Something had to be coming to fix that. The funny thing is… while I was right… I am no stronger a Christian today than I was a month ago. In fact I would say I am much worse. God has wronged me. I hold the grudge tightly. I know that’s wrong and I don’t think I believe it, but if you asked me at the wrong time I’d deny that fact. On nights where I sit alone at the computer when everyone else in the house is asleep, I blame God. I also blame myself, and just about any other person I can rationalize; like her sister’s boyfriend Andy. I blame him every time I sit and talk with her sister about it, and also about him. I wish this was all one big dream. That I’ll wake up tomorrow and go spend the day with Sue. I’ll hold her more tightly than I ever did before. My brain is flawed now. I cannot see truth. My mind cannot be trusted. No one should ask me such questions. At least that’s what I think.