Tragedy Is Life
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| The Long Road Tragedy Is Life |
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Tuesday, February 22 Several months ago David relinquished an exceptional invention idea to a small gathering of people including myself and offered that anyone who wanted to use the idea to make money could... well I've begun the process of patenting that idea... The only problem is... I don't exactly know how to make this thing yet.. It's related to chemistry so I'm in a good position to figure it out... anyway... either I'm on the verge of becoming fabulously wealthy or I'm on the verge of great depression due to failure... and it's time for work at my crappy mundane job... man I hope this works posted by Joel | 1:42 PM Wednesday, February 16 I've been trying to think of something ot write for this whole week now... and nothing... I also can't write a story unless I have something new and inventive to say apparantly... but I'm trying hard and eventually I'll give you something... for today I'll just give you some laws of physics... Anime physics Law of Sonic Amplification, First Law of Anime Acoustics In space, loud sounds, like explosions, are even louder because there is no air to get in the way. Law of Temporal Variability Time is not a constant. Time stops for the hero whenever he does something 'cool' or 'impressive'. Time slows down when friends and lovers are being killed and speeds up whenever there is a fight. First Law of Temporal Mortality 'Good Guys' and 'Bad Guys' both die in one of two ways - either so quick they don't even see it coming, OR it's a long drawn out affair where the character gains much insight to the workings of society, human existence or why the toast always lands butter side down. Law of Inherent Combustibility Everything explodes. Everything. Second Corollary - Large cities are the most explosive substances known to human science. Tokyo in particular seems to be the most unstable of these cities, sometimes referred to as "The Matchstick City". Law of Inverse Accuracy The accuracy of a 'Good Guy' when operating any form of fire-arm increases as the difficulty of the shot increases. The accuracy of the 'Bad Guys' when operating fire-arms decreases when the difficulty of the shot decreases. (Also known as the Storm trooper Effect) Example: A 'Good Guy' in a drunken stupor being held upside down from a moving vehicle will always hit, and several battalions of 'Bad Guys' firing on a 'Good Guy' standing alone in the middle of an open field will always miss. First Corollary - The more 'Bad Guys' there are, the less likely they will hit anyone or do any real damage. Second Corollary - Whenever a 'Good Guy' is faced with insurmountable odds, the 'Bad Guys' line up in neat rows, allowing the hero to take them all out with a single burst of automatic fire and then escape. Third Corollary - Whenever a 'Good Guy' is actually hit by enemy fire, it is in a designated 'Good Guy Area', usually a flesh wound in the shoulder or arm, which restricts the 'Good Guy' from doing anything more strenuous than driving, firing weaponry, using melee weapons, operating heavy machinery, or doing complex martial arts maneuvers. Law of Hemoglobin Capacity The human body contains over 12 gallons of blood, sometimes more, under high pressure. Law of Melee Luminescence Any being displaying extremely high levels of martial arts prowess and/or violent emotions emits light in the form of a glowing aura. This aura is usually blue for 'good guys' and red for 'bad guys'. This is attributed to Good being higher in the electromagnetic spectrum than Evil. Law of Follicular Permanence Hair in anime is pretty much indestructable, and can resist any amount of meteorological conditions, energy emissions, physical abuse, or explosive effects and still look perfect. The only way to hurt someone's hair is the same way you deal with demons... with bladed weapons! Law of Extradimensional Capacitance All anime females have an extradimensional storage space of variable volume somewhere on their person from which they can instantly retrieve any object at a moment's notice. First Corollary (a.k.a. The Hammer Rule) - The most common item stored is a heavy mallet, which can be used with unerring accuracy on any male who deserves it. Other common items include costumes/uniforms, power suits/armor, and large bazookas. Law of Uninteruptable Metamorphosis Regardless of how long or involved the transformation sequence or how many times they've seen it before, any 'Bad Guys' witnessing a mecha/hero/heroine transforming are too stunned to do anything to interrupt it. posted by Joel | 9:39 AM Thursday, February 10 Truxton Fixed it!!!... when Rob couldn't... stupid Rob... so useless... anyway... this is why I quit posting... I'm not here to give you an autobiographical view of my life... I want to provide you with interesting and wonderfully intellectual subject matter... not this stupid crap I usually have to spout... I need to begin a short story... with what time I wonder?... I guess I can't really use that excuse... Dad's got less time than anyone I know and he's still writing... oh well... I'll get back to you when I have something good posted by Joel | 1:26 PM Wednesday, February 9 My Computer Broke again.... I am angered... very angered... it's the same stupid thing it was last time.. The on button no longer works... and I shut it down like an idiot... anyway now I'm going to use the school computers till my next class... have fun with your lives... posted by Joel | 11:16 AM Monday, February 7 My dad and I watched "The Girl Next Door" the other night... It was bad.... very bad... it managed to piss me off very muchly... You see the subject matter of a girl involved in porn trying to get out of it matters very much to me... I feel intensely mournful for those girls who do get dragged into that... I also believe that in almost every circumstance it's our fault... and by our I mean guys... If we wouldn't pay top dollar to see a woman's innocence dragged through the street, spit on, and utterly destroyed beyond recognition there wouldn't be an industry for them to get pulled into... It gives me a feeling of personal responsibility... and I was expecting to see something that would appeal to these sensibilities of mine when I watched that movie... I didn't... what I really saw was more porn and a clear depiction of why we should hate ourselves... It's been a few days since we watched it and I'm still fuming... I've vented to people... lots of people... in fact none of this is probably news to any of you... just another one of Joel's rants... but I need to relieve this one... this one hurts so bad posted by Joel | 10:04 AM Tuesday, February 1 I'm sitting here at the College listening to a few of my friends find stuff for a movie they're talking about making called "Super Gook"... I don't know why... anyway yes I blogged... I'm alive... I'll try my hand again at this madness... Don't be surprised if it doesn't last long... I'm not terribly determined about this... I just kinda felt like doing it for the first time in months... And once again I am bored with this... Life must get more interesting... Ok Bye posted by Joel | 1:49 PM |
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